Forever
by FatGlamour
Summary: New Moon shortly after Bella jumped, Jacob wasn't the only one to "save" her, so did Victoria. -- “How could you tell ther that you don’t love her?” she asked quietly, shaking with suppressed rage. “She tried to kill herself because of you.”


**Forever**

"_As a burning and a fever, which would cling to thee forever…"_

– _Edgar Allen Poe_

**I**

Someone was screaming.

I think it was me.

If the pain I had felt when he left me had been the sharp stick of thorns, this was fire. It was as if I was being torched from the inside. My veins thrummed as if with electricity, my molten blood pumping this new current. My heart threatened to explode.

I was vaguely aware of my father's hand on my cheek, his words garbled and unrecognizable. I was too aware of his scent, the metallic smell of his blood. I felt nauseous, sick.

But mostly I was famished, drinking in air as if I was drowning. I knew that air would no longer satisfy me.

I was too thirsty.

I knew I could kill him. I could murder my own father without a further thought, no hesitation. I would be unstoppable – a newborn fledgling with no conscious, no dreams but that of sating my own hunger.

I would be a murderer.

I would be like Edward.

I whispered his name. If ever I needed him, it was in that moment.

Even though I knew he couldn't hear me, I said his name over and over. It became my mantra, my heartbeat as my own began to falter, began to die. It became my balm when for months it had only been the salt in my wounds – my own hollow torture.

I heard the howl from outside my open window, the pain sharper than ever from within the animal's keening.

I whimpered. Would I ever stop hurting those that I loved?

I wanted someone with me who could hold me and be in no danger. I wanted someone, anyone to love me, console me in my last human moments.

I felt tears mar my face, knowing it would be the last time I could truly cry.

I had wanted this fate so badly that I couldn't believe I was afraid – of dying.

* * *

She was running, running faster than she had ever run before. No one knew where she was, where she was going. Especially not him.

Not Edward.

If he had known, he would have forbidden it. Yet, he had not left his room since her vision. She had seen Bella jump, dive into the water and then disappear. Nothing else but simple darkness.

It was something that had never happened before. When one died, their body did not simply cease existing. She would not be like her brother. She would not accept Bella's death so easily – not until she had proof.

Sadly, for Edward, her vision had been enough. If it weren't for Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper stationed outside of his room, she knew he would do something drastic, something to get himself killed.

That is if the guilt didn't kill him first.

She smelled the wolf long before she saw him, kneeling in the muck, phasing in and out of his shape. He was trying to keep control outside of the familiar house, Bella's house, the cruiser parked haphazardly in the driveway. She felt hop light in her body when she saw the glowing window on the second floor but the tears on Jacob Black's face as he phased back into a human form made her body hurt physically.

"What do you want, leech?" his voice was gruff but cold, as cold as her skin.

"Is she dead?" she whispered, afraid.

"Yes," Jacob whispered back, looking at her with dark, empty eyes, "I suppose she is now."

A sad plastic smile crossed his face before he changed a final time. The large russet brown wolf growled at her before turning and sprinting into the woods.

Alice stood there, her mind reeling and her stomach turning as much from his lingering stench as her own fear. But then she heard it, the thudding heart in the distance, the panting, and the screams.

She raced for the house, breaking down the locked back door with one swing of her arm. She bounded as fast as she could up the stairs, stopping when she heard another heartbeat, fainter and erratic. She caught Charlie's scent and a strange spicy yet flowery aroma wafted from down the hall.

From Bella's room.

She only hoped that she was not too late.

* * *

I vaguely heard more voices, one loud and the other urgently quiet, yet both equally familiar. I whispered a name but couldn't hear myself. My brain didn't seem to even comprehend that my mouth had moved.

I was so afraid.

I heard a crash and screaming before a slammed door and the screeching of tires on the street below.

Was he gone? Did my father leave? Oh, God, I hoped so. I'd rather stay his daughter than his killer.

The odor of the room had changed. It was different, fruity almost, a sweet smell. I smiled. It was nice and vaguely familiar. I began to hear a voice, felt soft icy hands on my face, pushing my sticking hair from my sweaty forehead. It was a good feeling, a missed feeling of coldness that I could never get over.

"Shhh, Bella…"

"Alice," Her voice had been heaven but another wave hit me strongly. I couldn't stop the scream that ripped from my throat.

"Edward…" I whispered and began my mantra again, anything to get my mind off the unbelievable pain. Alice did her best to try and comfort me but I seemed inconsolable.

I knew what was coming.

The venom was spreading, reaching my heart as my body convulsed and I arched off the bed, my fingers gripped the sheets of my bed. My nails cut through them but no blood came from the tiny crescent shaped marks on my palms. My large half-circular mark, the mark of my first bite turned deep red and then black as t venoms reacted against each other. I reached over but my arm was slammed back down onto the bed.

Alice was crouching over me, her worried topaz eyes staring into my face as I opened my own.

"Please, Alice…"

"I know it hurts, Bella but I refuse to let you rip your arm off."

Suddenly I grew still. It was almost over.

"Bella?"

My heart beat once, twice.

And then, silence.

**II**

The hunt was unlike anything I would have ever imagined. The deer had been so easy to catch. Alice taught me to go for the weakest animal for my first try. The smell of rust and salt alerted me but I drank easily, hungrily. It was wonderful but the silence where my heartbeat had been pained a tiny bit. Something was missing, something vital that I couldn't guess as to what it was.

"I never knew it hurt to drink animals instead," I whispered, wiping my mouth on my sleeve, embarrassed for her to see me so not composed.

I supposed that I needed to get used to it.

Alice smiled sadly at me, walking over until she knelt beside me at my prey. "It fades after a while."

I looked up at the moon, so big and beautiful on a rare cloudless night.

"I missed you." The words seemed empty even as they poured from my mouth, but I didn't know how else to say it. That I missed them so much that I had become catatonic. That I loved her brother so much that losing him had made me jump off that cliff.

It was then that I realized.

"You saw me jump. That's why you're back."

Alice looked away, placing her finger against the wound on the deer's neck. She licked the blood from her finger thoughtfully before looking at me, sadness in her eyes and a glimpse of something else. "We thought you were dead."

"I would have been," I answered honestly. "If not for Victoria."

"Why, Bella?"

I knew that her question had nothing to do with the red-haired vampire that had changed me. Alice's question was simple with a simple answer.

I had wanted to die.

Ironic that now, I would never die.

I would live an eternity without him by my side.

Rough dry sobs burst from deep in my chest even if no tears would come. Alice gently pulled my bloodstained form into her arms, not caring about her clothes. She simply held me, whispering and shushing me softly.

"He doesn't love me…" I whispered to her. I figured that she should know that.

"What?" I was shocked to hear the surprise in her voice as she pulled me back to look at me.

"He-he told me," I stuttered out and squeaked a bit in shock as she pulled me into her embrace again, holding me tighter than before, tight enough that it would have broken a few bones had I still been human.

"I'll kill him," I heard muttered softly.

I knew I must have imagined it, but for a while I pretended that she was my sister, that I was a part of the Cullen coven. I dreamed that I had a family. I dreamed that I was with Edward, that he loved me and that we had an eternity to share together. The sobs came again.

I knew I was only deluding myself.

I knew how I would be spending my forever – forever alone.

* * *

I didn't want to be there. I knew that I would not be welcome – at least not by him.

This house was different from the one they had occupied in Forks, more elegant than charming but once I stepped inside, the smells were wonderful. It was full and clean, cozy with the smells wafting around my nose, stronger now with my new senses. I was surprised that I was able to pick out every Cullen by scent alone. I began to feel happy.

Until I smelled him.

Until that haunting melody flitted into my oversensitive ears.

It was my lullaby being played. The song that he had written – supposedly – for me and it brought images of my human life surfacing. It brought pictures, faces and most importantly his.

I ran – through the house, following the sound like a sailor called by a siren to a watery death. I vaguely heard Alice scream until I collided with the piano, my hands banging against the keys. The melody stopped. I raised my hand to swipe at it, to deny the instrument of sound ever again. When my hand was caught in a vice grip, I looked up.

Into his face.

"Edward…"

Suddenly, thick arms were around my arms and waist, pulling me away. My tangled mess of hair was flying like a curtain in front of my eyes as I struggled. The sobs came again as my gaze would not flee from his shocked face. I felt my captor tumble and curse, falling to the ground with me in his arms.

"Bella!"

In minutes, Alice was once more by my side and my captor – Emmett – released me to her. She held me in her strong, tiny arms. Edward stared at us, horror now etched on his face. The sobs came faster, harder and I buried my face in Alice's shoulder to get away from his gaze.

I disgusted him.

But then, I knew that already.

* * *

Esme had taken Bella, only moments before, sweeping her away to another part of the house. The rest of the family stood watching the two siblings staring down each other. Edward's face was marked with fear, horror, shock and just a tiny bit of relief.

Alice was livid. She crossed the room in three steps and with a sharp crack, her hand whipped across her brother's face. In moments, Jasper had her, holding her round the waist but he made no move to restrain her. Edward merely stared that the pixie like girl with wide eyes.

"How could you tell her that you don't love her?" she asked quietly, shaking with suppressed rage. "She tried to kill herself because of you."

"So she did jump?"

"Yes."

Rosalie's hand was over her mouth, horror on her face, staring at her brother as if just seeing him for the first time. A low growl erupted from deep within Emmett as he made to pounce on Edward but a reassuring hand from Carlisle kept him in place. Emmett pursed his lips and fled the house, banging the French door so hard behind him that the glass shattered. Rosalie sent a hateful look at Edward before sprinting after her husband.

"I thought… it was for her own good," Edward whispered quietly, brokenly. He sank back down on the bench and buried his face in his hands. "How the hell did this happen?"

"Victoria," said Alice calmly.

Edward growled, gripping his hair in his fists. "Show me… show me her change."

"You don't want to see," whispered the girl in response.

"Show me!" he screamed, stalking toward her wildly only to stop as Jasper stepped between them. Alice placed a hand on her mate's arm.

Edward stared into eyes identical to his own. "Please, Alice, I need to know."

She sighed and then nodded slowly.

"I'll show you… but if you ever do something like this again, I will rip you apart myself."

"How could I possibly repeat this?" he asked, with a haunted face. "The damage is already done."

**III**

Esme was being so kind to me – not that I thought it would be in her nature to be anything but kind. I just kept waiting for when my world would shift.

When would Alice's friendship not be enough? When would I be able to control my thirst enough that I had to leave on my own? I had a feeling Carlisle wouldn't let me leave until he was positive that I would do no harm to humans. A rampaging newborn would go against all his ideals if he let that happen.

Not that I had any indication of killing anyone. Yet, I knew that I didn't know myself as well as I used to.

Part of that reason was that I didn't break when I saw his face, when he touched me.

I didn't want to be alone, but I knew that that was not the only reason. I didn't want to be without him, no matter how much he didn't want me. If I was with him, then my human memories stayed memories rather than just an amazing dream.

Even if I couldn't be with him, I knew I couldn't stay away. He meant too much to me.

I wasn't ignorant as to where I was. I knew what – or more importantly – who this room smelled like. I knew I would never forget the leather bound journals scattered about the room or the meticulously organized collection of music.

A picture caught my eye and I felt drawn to it. I was shocked when I looked and saw my face staring out of my human, dull brown eyes.

"I had to keep something with me."

I whirled around, my crimson eyes widening in shock. I had not heard him approach. This room was so full of his smell that I hadn't noticed when it heightened with his presence. It seemed unfair that he was still able to sneak up on me.

He took a few steps forward not taking his eyes from mine. "I had to keep something to prove that you existed… that you had been mine…"

I sat the picture down gently. His words sparked hope in me when I had not dared to hope in so long.

"You told me…" I trailed off but he didn't bother to ask what exactly he had told me.

He seemed to know.

"I know that… I lied to you, Bella."

"What?" It seemed so strange to be near him and not have my heart pounding, not feeling the heat rush to my face. I still caught my breath hitching in my throat despite the fact that I no longer needed to breathe. I still felt dizzy as he came to stand in front of me, taking one of my hands.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

My face scrunched up and I felt those same awkward, dry sobs coming on.

Suddenly, he kissed me.

It was unlike something I had never felt before. When I reached for his hair he didn't pull back. When I pulled him against me, he didn't step back. He kissed me, hungrily, passionately – almost as if I could save him.

"Edward…" I sighed.

We stumbled until we were on his black leather sofa. He held me, kissing me, breathing in my scent.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered again. "I love you, Bella…"

And then, everything was okay again. My world was complete. I know longer cared about what I was now, those I would be leaving behind. I had Edward back and he loved me.

I held him as he wept dryly into my shoulder, murmuring to me all his reasons, apologizing over and over about how he wished he could have been there to stop Victoria, to protect me. I just consoled him. I had so much I wanted to tell him but I knew that then was not the time.

I was happy. I had Edward back and he loved me.

I had Edward and we had forever.


End file.
